like, he never explicitly said he was driving home today.

it was up in the air whether he was gonna go today or Friday.

but this morning I told him to have a safe trip, he thanked me, then I told him to txt me when he gets there even though I know it prlly annoys him cuz it makes me feel better.

I didn’t receive a reply, so I just assumed he was driving.

and he hasn’t txtd me since.

that was this morning.

am I crazy for thinking he was driving? and then getting annoyed when he updates his Facebook, obviously not driving home?

:|

thanks bro, I don’t feel stupid at all thinking you were driving home all this time.

:/

he butt-dialed or drunk-dialed or something

didn’t remember doing it,

but didn’t argue with me when I said he did.

I kind’a found it a little endearing that he completely avoided a pointless argument.

I’m so not used to that.

as strange as that sounds.

I dunno. I kind’a feel like things are good again.

maybe I was just over-reacting over nothing.

he’s gonna be gone for the next week, but when he called me on purpose last night, he said that he’d see me when he got back.

so that’s good. he obviously wants to see me.

the desert gets lucky for a week.

aha.

and he’s gonna come back sunburned as fuck. and I will laugh. because he will be soooo dark, compared to how light he was when we first met.

oh Salvadorians.

mwuahahaha.

imisshim

when everything is going really well with someone, then you suddenly feel like you’re bugging them and they really don’t like you anymore. so you over-analyze every little change in them. they don’t return the smiley faces in txt messages, they don’t walk you to your car as you leave, they send shorter txts than usual. it all seems dumb laid out, but in my head it scares me. I hate to think I wasted the past 3 months with this guy who I thought was different and may turn out to be exactly the same. I wanted something real, and I might get something that will fizzle out. I just wish I could know what it is that changed things. Or if things have even changed at all. Maybe it’s my imagination. merde. it won’t be if he doesn’t reply to my “maybe we can hang out before you leave?” I’m kind’a scared that he won’t. but. we’ll see. luckily[or not] he’s not leaving for the summer after all. just bout a week or so he says. welp. we’ll see what happens..

specifically for the purpose of playing ass-shaking music

and right now, it’s definitely not failing me.

it’s pretty much the best thing ever.

I love having my neighbor here.

she’s a funny little Mexican.

:3

instead of reading The Faerie Queen.

no complaints.

he posted a “new phone, no numbers” status on Facebook,
I just so happened to have opened up Facebook a few minutes after that.

and I had txtd him a little while before this status, so I txtd him again to let him know it was me. since apparently he has no numbers.

and I haven’t received a reply. and I’ve had all these terrible scenarios running through my head all day and night, about him being annoyed with me and just giving up on me altogether.

so now I’m afraid I look like a total creeper/stalker. :/

but it wasn’t my fault that I opened Facebook right after he posted that he had no numbers.

I know the rational explanation would be that he’s getting flooded with people sending him their numbers, but still.

this is not the week of rational thinking for me.

it’s a week full of emotional, nonsensical thinking.

and I just want it to go away so I can stop thinking I’m not good enough.

fuck.fuck.fuck.

wanting to txt him so badly, but feeling like I’m bugging him a lil bit.

fuck this week.

I have the terriblest feeling that he’s gonna go home for the summer soon and won’t tell me till that day.

and I’ll be left here like “wow. so bye?”

:/

ridiculously desperate like this.

all I want is to feel like.. some affirmation that he wants to see me as badly as I want to see him.

that he misses me just as much as my sad little heart misses him.

I don’t like feeling all clingy and lame. I like to be the chill one, the one who’s like “yeah I like you, but I don’t have to see you or talk to you all the time”

I let myself feel something for this kid without knowing whether or not we can ever really be official.

bloody fucking fuck.

I can’t sit here and keep analyzing this. otherwise I’m just gonna feel worse.

the longer I think, the worse I feel about admitting to him I wanted to see him today. he said he wouldn’t be much fun cuz he’s so tired. my dumb ass admitted I wouldn’t mind him being tired. [luckily I didn’t admit that it would be nice to just chill and sleep or something] so now he said he’s gonna see how long it takes him to study tonight for his final tomorrow.

I’m trying not to keep my hopes up. I don’t want to be disappointed again. it’s not even his fault. it’s mine for wearing my heart on my sleeve.

as well as Mother Nature’s for making girls have these little mood spasms once a month.

bleh. bleh. bleh.

:/